By day, STEVEN AIELLO’s students debate about world affairs. By night, they talk about their feelings. This is the story of how one man created a safe space for hundreds of high school students across Israel, Palestine and the world over.

This photo was taken at CXC Amsterdam in July 2017, where Gwen and Steven met.

“I experienced my first Empathy Box conversation at Changemakerxchange Amsterdam. I was surprised at how powerful it was — it worked so well with our diverse group of participants — so I decided to bring it back home.

I run Debate For Peace, a national program in Israel that uses Model United Nations and Debate as a framework (and excuse!) for 15- to 19-year-olds to come together and learn from one another.

Debate For Peace runs programming for a few hundred students a year. Usually it’s just one-day conferences, but whenever we have an overnight program — like 1–2 day retreats in Israel, or week-long delegations abroad — that’s when I take out The Empathy Box.

My students are from communities that don’t usually meet.

They come from different schools. Different cities. Some know each other pretty well, but most don’t share that kind of rapport. They practice different faiths — Jewish, Muslim, Christian. They speak different languages — Hebrew, Arabic, English.

As debaters, we are used to talking about difficult things. We talk about politics, we talk about religion. But the one thing we hardly ever touch is the personal stuff. It never comes up, so we never go there.

My students are so incredible that sometimes I forget they’re just kids. Recently, I brought a group of them to meet the Italian Deputy Ambassador. They’re just 14 years old! They look perfectly fine and capable on the outside, but you just don’t know what kinda stuff they’re going through.

When we first started using The Empathy Box together, it offered me a peek behind the curtain. My students would talk about their stress from school, their family problems, their mental health issues — all the things in which they don’t feel like they can go to anyone for.

One student talked about personal issues she was facing in her family, feeling like she couldn’t open up about it with the others. In the same group, another student burst into tears… because she was going through the same thing, too!

This incident brought them together, and also allowed the other kids to talk about things they never talked about: Muslim students feeling like they are forced to dress or act a certain way, LGBT issues, etc.

“The whole idea of opening up and showing my real self to a random stranger seemed hard to grasp at first, but after using The Empathy Box, those people who were strangers to me, suddenly became my closest confidantes.” — Yaari, Jewish DFP participant

The Empathy Box has given me a tool to address the issues affecting my students. These kids may not come from the same backgrounds. They may not know each other well. But with the Empathy Box cards, they open up. They hug, they cry, they comfort each other and form a circle of trust.

They go from a delegation — to a community.

We have used The Empathy Box with hundreds of students now, on more than 10 different delegations abroad. The biggest stretch so far was when we hosted a delegation of 58 students visiting from Brussels — we had 7–8 circles going at once!

We managed this by training older students to step up as facilitators. Right now, we have 40 students who can facilitate it in Israel alone!

As soon as I take the Box out, I can see that some students were thirsting for it. We had all been waiting for something like this for a while — an opportunity to connect, to let our walls down and be seen.

But there was no option for it… until now.

“Playing the Empathy Box made me feel like I am being listened to with no interruption, like my words will never leave the room. It gave me a chance to express my deepest feelings without fear, with full trust that I am not being judged. Now I know that trust can be given.” — Nancy, Palestinian DFP participant

The Empathy Box has completely changed my relationship with my students, and their relationships with each other. We’ve been running DebateForPeace for two years now, and while we’ve become good friends over the years, we never would have reached this depth of camaraderie and support without its.

I see the difference we’re making in these kids. I know we’re impacting people’s lives. And I can’t imagine doing the work I do now without The Empathy Box.”

Empathy Stories is a series of interviews with our incredible Empathy Box user community around the world in 2019.

Interviewed and written by Chloe Ling, edited by Gwen Yi.

Safe Spaces for Students — Empathy Stories