The Unlikely Empath — Empathy Stories
Political activist GILBERTO MORISHAW spends most of his time dealing with people. This is how The Empathy Box has shaped his social interactions…for good.
Here’s a little bit about Gilberto, from a bio we nicked off his incredible Humanity In Action Fellowship website:
Gilberto Morishaw was born in Curacao and currently lives in The Hague. He’s a Master’s student of Public Administration at Leiden University. In the past he’s launched think-tanks about food security; innovator’s networks and political parties. He also sings, plays the piano, and does poetry. Wow.
When I met Gilberto at One Young World The Hague in 2018, we connected over an Empathy Box session — right in the middle of the crowded conference. And I’m so glad we did, because I would’ve been super intimidated if he’d told me his bio!
Instead I got to see Gilberto as a #HumanFirst — and what an effusive, loving human being he is. We hope this article, written interview-style, will do him justice. Without further ado…Gilberto!
First question! What are the top 3 memorable sessions you’ve had?
Post-Empathy Box session at OYW 2018!
My first ever one with Gwen at One Young World, where I learned people can connect deeply even in a crowded place.
The one I had with Maurice and Razan—one a friend, one a total stranger — at a coffee place where we picked up our Empathy Boxes together!
The one I had in University with two people — one was open, while the other was closed. One of them spoke about his mother who just passed away, and another talked about their mental health.
Whoa. Tell us more about Session #3.
I was just sitting in the cafeteria, when one of my friends bumped into me. We hadn’t seen each other in a while, so I told him I was doing this cool training in empathy (The Empathy Box) and invited him to give it a try. Then another friend walked by, and decided to join in too! That’s why I love the Box, you know? It creates moments where you don’t think they could be moments. It’s magic.
That’s amazing! Is that how you typically start conversations?
Even in the past, I tried to use small talk to lead to the conversations of depth. I’d use silly conversation starters like, “What’s your color?” or “What type of Disney Princess are you?” And try to build up to it. But with the Empathy Box, we can skip past that part and jump straight into the meat of the conversation.
Side note: What Disney princess *ARE* you?
I feel like I’m Rapunzel because she sings and she has long hair and is super badass! Ain’t nobody wanna be Sleeping Beauty, she don’t do no nothing!
We 100% see the resemblance
You speak with a lot of conviction, and it takes a lot to get there. Is this something you built up through the Empathy Box?
I was raised as a Christian, still am. That connects with the framework the Box provides — because in more Westernized communities we tend to force a lot of things, but the Box allows me to share my beliefs in a way that leads to actual transformation. That gives me the confidence and tools that I need to handle any conversation.
I’ve learned that the message I have is valid, the perspective I have brings value, and I should never forget that I am capable of doing those things.
I can celebrate my beliefs without taking away from anyone else’s.
The Empathy Box helps me move away from the zero-sum mentality of “I’m good and you’re bad”, to “we can both be good”. We can both have the power to make a difference.
Have you used the Empathy Box in a scenario where you outright disagreed with what the other person was saying?
Every conversation that you have will contain elements you don’t agree with. Case in point: My friend was talking to a Rabbi about forgiveness. Now, for me, I’m a firm believer that forgiveness sets you free and empowers you. But the Rabbi had a completely different take of it. He believed you should not forgive. I didn’t agree with what he had to say… but I also recognized that his mindset was shaped from his own experiences, so I have to be OK with that.
How much has the Box shaped the way you interact with people?
I’ve definitely internalized a lot of the principles and rules from the Box when dealing with people. I always try to start with empathy — to show love FIRST.
Two days ago, I was facilitating a conversation with two friends.
One of them comes from a culture where you speak very forcefully about what you ‘can’ and ‘cannot’ do. That manifested in a lot of ‘could’s, ‘should’s, and ‘would’s in our conversation.
I knew he meant well, but I don’t think he understood how these statements actually impact another person.
When we force OUR way of seeing the world onto someone else, we eliminate their agency and stand in the way of their growth.
If people feel that what you have to offer is good and helpful to them, they will accept it automatically!
When you force your vision of the world, you deny the humanity of another person.
You put them in a submissive state towards your will. They’ll end up always dependent on you — instead of a state that makes them more free.
It sounds like empathy carries a lot of weight for you. Why is that?
I come from the Caribbean, an island nation where empathy isn’t glorified. We say: “Do it because I said so, not because you understand.” People there feel the need to be right all the time, because if you’re NOT right, then you’re weak and you’re wrong and you’re stupid.
Empathy has helped me realize I don’t have a monopoly on the truth. You know Plato’s allegory of the cave? We’re all in caves looking at the shadows on the wall. We can come close to the truth, we can understand certain elements of the truth, but to say “I have the full truth and you don’t” is arrogance.
And in arrogance, there is no empathy.
Do you believe that empathy can be taught?
Yes! And Tribeless is already doing it :) When I tell people about the Box, I call it “empathy training” because the way you facilitate with the Box matters, and I want people to know that.
Just like any skill, the more you do it, the better you become — and the Box is the perfect tool to help you practice.
Empathy requires you to be sensitive, to really listen, to understand the group dynamics. To ask questions like, “Where are we going? Is this helpful to the group? How do I deal with bigger groups?”
Every session is different, and that requires you to be on your feet!
You know quite a lot about facilitation! How did you develop a background in it?
In the work I do, I have to facilitate a lot. Working with the Ministry, being involved in politics, taking a course in life coaching… Almost everything I do involves people. I was in Brussels last week for a conference, and on one of the nights, I organized a dinner for 7–8 people — even that is facilitating!
Tools like the Empathy Box accentuate my people skills because it helps me have better conversations. Most of the time, we pay more attention to what to talk about, instead of figuring out how to have the conversation. The structure of the Box allows you to pay attention to the how — and once we learn it, we can apply it everywhere!
You mentioned you’ve used your Box over 20+ times! When do you decide when to host your sessions?
So I’m in groups often, right? And I’ve become quite responsive to the ebb and flow of the group’s energy. If everyone is super excited and the room is really noisy and busy, then I won’t do it.
But when there’s an ‘ebb’ — I take that opportunity. An ebb is the potential for depth. Respond to it.
Last week, me, my cousin and his girlfriend were just talking and having fun, and funnily enough she brought the Empathy Box up and said “We should do it!”.
The session was much more difficult than expected, because my cousin was very closed off. His girlfriend wanted to hear more from him and maybe pushed a little too hard, and that closed the door.
You need to be gentle and empathetic to ‘draw’ the story out… if not, you lock the door.
It’s like trying to break into the house, you know?
Use a crowbar, and the automatic lock shuts down even more.
Use a card, and it slides open.
To create the opportunity for vulnerability, you need to be vulnerable first.
You can give a gentle nudge (“you can do it or not do it, we’ll just be here to support you”) or invite someone to share their perspective (“I would love to hear what you have to say”), but sometimes people don’t want to take up the space, and we need to respect that.
This has been so insightful, Gilberto! We’ve loved it. Final question — what motivates you to keep doing what you do?
People are IMPORTANT. Through the Empathy Box sessions, I recognize the beauty and immense potential of every single individual. My life’s motto is to “create the conditions that allow others to change for the better”. The Box fits in perfectly with that.
The Empathy Box is a tool that creates the right conditions for people to talk to each other without judgement and misunderstanding. That allows us to become better — because we see different perspectives, and we learn.
We are improved at the end of it all.
Empathy Stories is a series of interviews with our incredible Empathy Box user community around the world in 2019.
Interviewed by Chloe Ling, written and edited by Gwen Yi.